Leadership – how many leaders communicate really well?

We all know all about communication and are great communicators, right?  It’s always the other person who doesn’t communicate so well with us. 

Most people, most leaders and most organisations, communicate at fairly basic levels.  Let me show you what I mean by introducing you to the COMET model.

There are really five levels of communication and these are arranged like the skin of an onion.  As we get comfortable at each level, we peel off that layer and go deeper.  I describe the 5 levels as C, O, M, E and T – hence the acronym ‘COMET’.

We start communicating at the ‘C’ level – what we have in common with the other person.  These might be our sporting team, our social interests or our kids.

The ‘O’ stands for other people, or things, in our lives.  These might be the boss at work or some movie star or politician, a movie we have seen or a book we have read or some event in the news.

The ‘M’ stands for me – but in a factual or neutral kind of way – I talk about things about me, without revealing anything about my feelings or emotions.  I might talk about my being married or divorced, playing tennis, where I live or work, what I do for a job and so on.

At these three levels, we stick to safe, non-threatening, familiar, easy and harmless topics which can sustain a conversation but which certainly don’t reveal anything of an inner personal nature.  These three levels are where most communication happens.

The most important, and difficult, levels of communication, though, are the ‘E’ and the ‘T’.  Most people don’t often progress, if at all, to these levels.  Why?  Just like the onion, the inner layers become ‘softer’ and more fragile.  At these levels, we have to reveal our inner selves – our fears, our insecurities, lack of confidence, our emotional immaturity.  Could be scary – particularly if we are not used to it.

The ‘E’ stands for emotions – where we express the anger, jealousy, happiness and so on that we feel about people and things in all parts of our lives, whether at home or work.  These can be good or bad things, whether or not they have yet occurred.  Our inner honesty comes out at this level.

Finally, the ‘T’ stands for the truth – where we speak the truth about our feelings – what is really going on inside us.  Often, we don’t tell the truth about our feelings because we fear conflict with others or reprisals from someone.  For example, if we say what we really feel about someone or something at home or work, we fear we might make the boss or our partner angry.  We tend to avoid conflict, so issues get swept under the carpet, only to fester and grow, often with unfortunate consequences.

As you reflect on the COMET model, you will soon discover that it has ready application in all facets of your life.  By practising more ‘ET’ communication, others you deal with will be encouraged to do the same and more open, honest and effective relationships will result – in your business and personal worlds.